62 and never been diagnosed

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Captain Sam
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2019 10:54 am

62 and never been diagnosed

Post by Captain Sam » Wed Feb 13, 2019 11:51 am

I discovered I was dyslexic in the afternoon of a summer day, when driving down the highway I gazed upon a sign, a sign I had seen hundreds of times before, but this time I could not pronounce the scramble of letters before me. I took a second look, and the scramble remained.

Had the two towns decided to rename themselves? Why had I not been aware? At that time, I suffered self-doubt to a crippling extent and this unexpected name change, I assumed they were of two indigenous tribes being that I lived next to the coast in Southern Maine, caused deep anxiety.
Right before I passed the sign and on a third look, the letters rearranged to recognizable names. On that I day, I started researching dyslexia. That one experienced opened a gate of memory for me, and several orbiting pieces fell into place.

I recall sitting in math class in grammar school. We had just finished a test and I felt confident I had got everything right. Not only did I ace it but I had made all the calculations in my head. I looked at the problem and immediately knew the right answer. The teacher suddenly loomed over my desk and the room grew dark, she tossed the test down onto the desk and emblazed in red was an italicized "F" drowning in a sea of red ink.

That day solidified a suspicion for me and no matter how many times I repeated, "It can't be right!" Disbelieving my eye's, doubting my perception, I believed I missed the obvious. I screwed up the test because contrary to what I felt and saw from the inside, the external world chanted another mantra at me, "You are stupid!"

I am dealing with those repercussions daily and I have a good chance of reviving that lost boy.

[email protected]
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Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2019 2:47 pm

Re: 62 and never been diagnosed

Post by [email protected] » Tue Feb 26, 2019 7:27 am

Hello Captain Sam,
I see a neurologist because I had a seizure while hospitalized about 10 years ago. I am 72 and complained to him about my memory failing. He put me on a proactive medication but as part of this he also tested me for Alzheimers with questions including counting backward from 100 by 7's. 100, 93, etc. I think I barely passed but later at home I thought "That's not a fair test for me. I've never had a good grip on math functions but I have work arounds". The next step after 93 I subtract 3 to get 90 and then subtract 4 from 90 to get 86. I don't know the highway exit # for my home town of 50 years and probably never will. Some of the issues I had have gone away by my conscious effort. This is what brought me to this forum and this is also my first post. I'm not sure what your "repercussions" statement means however you write beautifully. I hope this is not worry some to you, after all, dyslexia is a component of who we are, just one of many. I think understanding "why" will bring peace. I intend to learn more and probably find out more about myself. I'm glad you shared your story.

Captain Sam
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2019 10:54 am

Re: 62 and never been diagnosed

Post by Captain Sam » Fri Mar 22, 2019 4:34 pm

Thanks, fbartol, for your reply. I am reading The Virgin Way by Richard Branson and I sent him a letter this morning.

Dear Richard,

I am 61 and I have undiagnosed dyslexia. Although I have known of my dyslexia for 30 years, I rejected, or more mildly put, tried to ignore the impact my brain has on my life. I am writing to you because I am reading, The Virgin Way, and it has inspired me.

Coming to terms with a condition I condemned and tried to deny is a subjectively daunting task. Because I retreated from the world, the world I interpreted as a cruel and an unsafe place, I must now reforge, remake, those emotional and mental pathways. as I attempt to construct this letter, waves of emotion rise and subside.

Those prior two paragraphs certainly paint a sad sack of an impression; however, I am dropping the "trying to be normal" charade and celebrating my unique quality. Forty years of transcendental meditation has prepared me to say; I am beginning to accept my perspective and look upon myself as someone I cherish. I found that last sentence somewhat humorous.

Over the past few months, I have dedicated myself to a concerted effort of self-realization. I know how far fetched that sounds yet my life has always had two distinct aspects, better said as two great contrast, one of an inner knowing experienced as intuition and the ability to assess diverse environmental elements quickly, if not instantaneously and take the corrective or right action. The other side, the one I considered to be dark, is that of feeling incompetent when I have misread, incorrectly calculate numbers and turned the wrong way.

Why am I telling you this? I have not intentionally sought understanding, except for my wife, for my condition. I always thought there was something I didn't or couldn't perceive about life, although evident I felt to everyone else, in plain sight yet hidden from me. That conclusion of being incompetent is devasting.

It boils down to what choice do I have, to favor or condemn my condition, and I chose to celebrate my dyslexic mind. There is a discouraging voice, but I understand it is one of fear and would prefer that I push the world away. That separation was necessary for the past because it preserved my latent dreams of inner happiness and outward success.

So, why did I write this letter? I sat down this morning and typed in the query, who hires dyslexic people? A picture of Steve Jobs and you appeared under the text 'Marketing firm posts 'only dyslexics need apply'. That header was an eye-catcher. I saw two alternatives, either I could seek out communing with the spirit of Steve Jobs or contacting you.

I live in Southwestern Maine, and I am looking to supplement our income.

In 1983, I graduated from Maharishi International University with a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree.

I am a Reiki master and teach meditation.

I participate in my wife's business, Soul Path Art (Larissa Davis).

I write and paint, see http://siddha-jeff.com/

My wife and I have raised two brilliant young men, Raven and Phoenix. Raven has completed a two-year early-college degree at Bards College at Simons Rock. Phoenix is a sophomore attending our local high school. I homeschooled the kids until they wanted to participate in public school. Although the curriculum is and was not challenging for either of them, they both achieved academic success and had/have satisfying social relationships.

May this letter find you in good health.

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